January 31, 2017

I have plans, I have goals, but sometimes it's not always easy seeing how to work towards these things. I mean it's not that I do not have faith that things will work out but sometimes having faith is not sitting back and waiting for some magical thing to happen but it's using the abilities and talents you've been blessed with to make things happen. Sometimes, you sit back, you wonder why things are not happening when you have done nothing to make them happen.

It does not help that I suffer from depression. It's the sort of depression that makes me apathetic towards most things, even things I really enjoy, and creates a feeling within me that questions why do anything because what's the point. I know that some of you are fortunate not to have dealt with depression, that do not understand that there are different types of depression. I have a depression that is not medicated nor is it diagnosed. I have a depression that I am self aware of and a type of depression that isolates me.

Not that living in the middle of nowhere without transportation does not isolate me, but the feeling of not wanting to do anything (a feeling I have so often) makes it difficult to want to go anywhere.

I attend a church, sing in the choir, attend book groups at the local public library (sometimes, sometimes finishing the book), but none of these are with people my age. I am around older people all of the time. Not that I have anything against older people ( I admire what the generations before mine have done) but it would be great to spend time with people my age.

I am an open book but getting to know me and having me reveal certain aspects of my life require time. You will have to spend time with me and not make it a interrogation. I really do not know why I am sharing what I am sharing but if you are reading this you might want to know these things about me.